The wait!

First time blogging so bear with me ….  This blog will be a complete mind dump so please take what you like from this to help you with any uncertain times your may be facing … helping you be mindful and really being prescient in the moment every day!

This blog is going to be something I write in every morning throughout this moment in my life to help me set my mindset for the day ahead and to empty my mind and hopefully help anyone else going through the wait of uncertain times … test results … scans … treatment … has it worked … some people even may feel “am I going to die “? will I be ok? What about My family my friends? What’s going to happen? The questions you may find yourself faced with race through your mind often very very often .. to many times you wonder off in your mind and start wondering your mind is so so powerful im going to use mine mindfully (easy for me to say haha)  … SO this is my why I want to help you.  I know in my heart I will be ok wnd I'm truly grateful for that feeling and the trust I have in my crystals and angels brings me warmth.  Find what ever works for you and put one step in front of the other and go and smash the day that’s head of you! (Or just the hour ahead of you just move forward) 

Disclaimer: I use the word FUCK IT a lot I hope it doesn’t offend anyone however it’s me I like saying it and it’s what I do best! Haha

Tips on the tools I used last night …good and bad! 

Going to sleep feeling grateful can be hard …. But I find you can always find something which then turns your mind to thinking of precious memories…. Thoughts …. Feelings…. Pure joy which in turn help the tears flow a little easier and with a smile.  Try it it worked for me!  And remember our journeys will not be the same and you may have some other way of easing your pain or feeling your pain the most important thing is to do what’s right for you … hold yourself tight and remind yourself you have got through your darkest days … your here right now and you should be so proud ❤️ 

Body scan meditation was BAD … I tried to use a body scan to help me relax however when I was scanning my body mindfully it was making me feel anxious making my mind ask more questions is this where the cancer is … moving through my body relaxing muscles … more snd more questions and frustration building where the hell is it … I’m so tired .. I feel so weak … fuck it I’m not doing this!! 

So I decided to look at photos this seems to be a common theme for me I often do this before going to bed most of the time I look at the trillion of photos and videos I take of my daughter miracle Millie … she makes my heart sing beyond belief, however within the past few weeks I’ve been unable to focus on her which has hurt … it’s to much I can’t look at her without the fear creeping in I may not be around for her to watch her grow … to watch her smash a happy life out the park and say fuck it when things go wrong and try try again … I hear myself say SARAH stop … your going to be ok but truth be told I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ no one knows … we could get run over by a bus tomorrow anyone could we just don’t know which is why I know the power of my mind is EVERYTHING right now! So I stopped said fuck it about 10 times ….. I caught my fear and I ended up with looking at wedding photos (I think I’ve been married 10 years next year) I’m sure ant will remind me hah … i’ve never been one for remembering dates! Anyway I searched the words “wedding dress”  in my photo album and my god did I end up laughing to myself … it was then all the photos of our anniversary years in the past that popped up … every year I put my wedding dress on (well squeeze into it I should say) and make my poor husband dance with me 🕺… I love him so much more than words could possibly say … the grateful thoughts came flooding in…. I was back in such a happy place dancing in my old house with him twirling me around both drunk as skunks 🦨  laughing at each other … my heart was full of love again and not an a ounce of fear! I slept all night long and even typing this this morning is bringing me joy ❤️

Right let’s do this … wake Millie and action today with conviction … I’ll let you know how I get on later I’m sure 🙋🏼‍♀️🚀❤️